You are Worth It To Me
by heroherondaletotheresuce
Summary: Sydney tries so hard to be accepted by her father, to be thin and to achieve great things. It's always been hard, but before she had something to relieve the pain. Over the years she has tried to stop, but this time with balancing a broken relationship with her father and her unrequited feelings for her best friend, how will she make it through without hurting herself? w/ Self Harm


**One Shot** – _Adrian/Sydney – Romance, Hurt & Comfort._ AU

**Trigger Warning for Self-Harm. **

**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns her amazing characters, me well just this piece of writing and my plot. I hope you enjoy this, and I got this idea through a prompt on tumblr. Reviews are welcomed and will really help me to improve my writing and well gain confidence and get more stuff out there for you guys to read and enjoy, and perhaps even longer than 2000 words. Thanks. x**

Plot – Sydney tries so hard to be accepted by her father, to be thin and to achieve great things. It's always been hard, but before she had something to relieve the pain. Over the years she has tried to stop, but this time with balancing a broken relationship with her father and her unrequited feelings for her best friend, how will she make it through without hurting herself?

Sydney hung up the phone half way through her Jared Sage's lecture. She couldn't listen to another harsh comment on her life style and her failed attempts at becoming the daughter he approved of. He had seen recent pictures of her with her sister Zoe from when she came to visit the week prior. Apparently he felt that it was his fatherly duty to call Sydney and inform her of his disappointment that she clearly wasn't keeping to her diet and had gained a few pounds. In fact Sydney was now at a healthy weight. According to her doctor she had the correct weight according to her BMI and was healthier than she was a few months ago. Adrian had even helped her through it and she realised that she was slowly killing herself with this idea of being thin. She leaned back in the front seat of Latte and closed her eyes, taking in a few deep breaths and trying to calm down. He had no right to make these accusations, especially since he was never really a good father to her in the first place. She couldn't even begin to remember the last time he hugged her or said that he loved her or worried for her. All he could do was hurt her with words, just like he did with her mother. The thing was though that her mother divorced him years ago, and was now living in London, far far away from her father's cruelty.

It was approximately 4:38pm. Adrian was coming over for movie night tonight at 7pm. She opened her eyes and started the ignition of her car and headed off to her apartment just outside of Palm Springs. Sydney arrived at her small apartment block in less than 20 minutes. She parked her car, double checking that she locked her precious before jogging up the steps to her apartment level.

Once inside her house, she closed all of the windows noticing the dark clouds brewing above in the sky. Her apartment was pretty clean and she couldn't think of anything that had to be done. The collection of movie options to watch tonight was laying on the coffee table in front of her flat screen TV and there was already an assortment of healthy snacks as well as Adrian's specially bought desserts from 'Pies N' Stuff' that he has insisted they purchase to make the night perfect. She smiled at the thought of Adrian. He made her feel like a better person. Someone who actually mattered, someone who was worth something. She'd been crushing on him since forever, but she knew that he was still partially in love with his ex-girlfriend Rose and could never have feelings like that for her. Occasionally she caught herself day dreaming about what it would be like to kiss Adrian Ivashkov, what it would be like to be in a relationship like that with him, and she thought that would be absolutely wonderful and well impossible. Sydney sighed and wondered around her bedroom looking for some comfortable clothes to wear, but something nice too. She picked out a loose singlet shirt and a pair of khaki pants that she found to be extremely stretchy, making it perfect to lounge around in. She also picked out some under garments and hopped into the shower, her bathroom door slightly ajar. She turned on the hot water, letting it pour down on her skin, soothing her muscles. She scrubbed a coffee and vanilla scented soap into her skin, rubbing at the scars on her arms that she tried to keep hidden. It had been years since she had resorted to self harm but the scars were still slightly visible on her arms and she just wished they'd go away. They were a reminder of how weak she was and how bad her father had made her felt that she resorted to such drastic measures to feel something other than disappointment from her father. After drying off Sydney threw on the clothes she chose out and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing out her wet hair and tying it up into a neat bun. She applied some cream onto her face and straightened out her shirt. She couldn't help but look at herself and criticise every detail from her hair to her body shape and the scars on her arms.

Her father's words rang out through her head. She couldn't help but feel pudgy and overweight in the size four shirt she was wearing. She couldn't help but look at the four thin white lines on her left arm and how it took the other pain away and in that moment she was ready to give up again. The bathroom scissors were sitting in its container on the vanity of the sink. It was as though the fluorescent lighting in the bathroom was shining down on the scissors alone, putting it in the spotlight. She bit her lip and placed her hands on the edge of the sink, taking deep breaths. She needed self restraint, she could do it. But then there was this nagging in the back of her head. Who would find out? It was only her who would know of this, and who knows maybe she'd feel better after, maybe she this was her punishment for being a bad daughter, for being fat, for being ugly for being unwanted. Who would care anyway? So she picked up the scissors and placed it against her skin, drawing out the crimson blood from her veins.

What Sydney didn't realise was that Adrian had just entered the apartment using his spare key. He'd come early and brought some take out for them. He settled the food in the kitchen and made his way to the bedroom when he saw the door slightly ajar and Sydney standing in the bathroom, at the sink and the scissors in her hand, slightly pressed against the soft skin of her forearm.

His breath hitched and his eyes were wide, he stumbled into the room quickly as Sydney looked up into the mirror, seeing him behind her. She dropped the scissors in the sink and a guilty expression fell upon her face, her hands dropped lifelessly against her sides and she nearly collapsed to the ground but Adrian caught her in his arms, turning her slightly so her face was looking at him.

"Sage." Adrian whispered hastily, inspecting the cut on her arm, which was only slightly bleeding. His heart nearly stopped as he saw the look of defeat in her eyes. Tears dribbled down her cheeks, falling freely as she sobbed into his chest. When he came over tonight he certainly didn't expect this. He took in a few shaky breaths, holding her close and whispering comforting words to her.

"It's okay Sydney. It's okay love." He repeated over and over pressing a kiss to her forehead. Once the sobbing had started to die down, he picked her up and took her into the kitchen, placing her up on the bench and grabbed the first aid kit sitting in her top cabinet. He riffled through looking for a bandage and some antiseptic to make sure she didn't get an infection. He didn't say a word to her as he poured the antiseptic on a cotton pad and dabbed it on her wound. He wrapped the bandage around it cut, and clipped it tightly, keeping pressure on there to stop the harsh bleeding.

His fingers lightly touched the wound before falling down her arm and into her hands.

"Sydney are you okay." Adrian inquired softly, bringing his hand up and rubbing her cheek, wiping away the tears. She shook her head slightly, and he moved forward, bringing her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him tight. He was her anchor; she didn't think she'd be able to get through it without him.

"Do you want to talk about it." He mumbled softly against her ear and she nodded slightly and plopped down off the bench and the two walked over to the couch where she sat down next to him and still gripped his hand for support.

"I-I use to self-harm years ago, before I met you. My father, well you know my father." She said with a shaky laugh before continuing. "I couldn't cope with his expectations, I ended up feeling worthless and I had this image of myself as a bad person… It got better when I met you and Jill, when we all became friends I started to value myself more and I stopped." She took another deep breath.

"He called me this morning and told me what a disappointment I was to his family, how I couldn't even stick to my diet. He told me that I'd never achieve anything great and that I was pathetic for thinking that anyone could love me; I guess I just cracked and well you know the rest." She choked out, putting her face in her hands. She felt so embarrassed that she had done that and that Adrian had caught her. What did he think of her, that she was someone to be pitied, that she was this little weak girl who couldn't even take some harsh words from someone?

Adrian gulped and he tried not to squeeze his hands into fists. How dare Jared say that to his daughter? It was sickening and Adrian knew how it felt, for his father had the same sort of approach towards him all those years ago. He placed his arms around Sydney, holding her close.

"It's okay Sydney, hey look at me." He said, putting his fingers underneath her chin and tilting it up to face him.

"You are worth so much Sydney. You are beautiful, brilliant, intelligent, caring; the list goes on. I value you and you Sydney sage mean the world to me. So don't think that no one loves you, don't think that no one cares for you or that you are pathetic because if anything it's the complete opposite." He exclaimed with a sigh, kissing both of her cheeks causing Sydney to flush. No one had ever said something that well that kind to her in her life. She smiled slightly at his heart warming gesture. Her heart was slightly beating faster, and not for the wrong reasons this time. This time the rush was welcome, this time the feeling of Adrian being there for her was very much welcome indeed.

"I love you, don't forget that Sage." He whispered, kissing her softly on the lips, his own moving against hers so slowly, as though she were fragile and could break at any moment. Her fingers ran across the skin of his neck, up to his tousled brown hair making his body flare up. She felt loved kissing Adrian, safe and happy but most importantly for the first time in her life she felt like she was worth something.


End file.
